Relocation Advice

» Posted by on Jan 19, 2011 in Funny, Life | 0 comments

Have you ever relocated?  Ever picked up and moved all your belongings, stuffed them in a storage unit, and started something new?  In one way I feel like we’ve moved home and in another like we’ve left our security blankets, 3 kids, and our close friends behind.  We waved goodbye to personal friends, professional buddies, neighbors, neighbor’s dogs, my cat’s grave in the back yard (remember “GURL!),  and our growing church family (shout out to all my Providence family).

New cultural environments are always interesting whether it’s food differences or personal habits.  I’ve actually found speckled butterbeans in the supermarket which I had not seen since my grandmother grew them in her garden 50 years ago.  Can’t find those in Philadelphia. Fresh collard greens are plenteous.  I’m not in style unless I go ahead and purchase a camouflage jacket to wear in Wal-Mart. I think they’re actually staring at me with my black mock turtleneck sweater.  I’m sure my southern drawl has been accentuated during these short 6 weeks. Of course, up until our last day in PA, store clerks, (eg. Wegman’s grocery checkers) would inevitably  ask “Now where are you from?”  “Do you live here?”  Yea. For 15 years.  “If you think I’ve got a drawl, you outta hear my wife.”

So, some advice to any one thinking about moving or relocating:

1.  Get familiar with SKYPE and use it frequently.  It allows you to make contact with dear loved ones.  Make sure you’re fully clothed and sober when you make the call.

2.    Never, ever, move or relocate on the promise or false hope of milder, warmer weather.  In fact, if moving to a warmer climate (allegedly Tennessee) you can make a lot of money fast by pre-ordering 10,000 snow shovels from Oriental Trading Company or other reputable Chinese manufacturer for $3 each and then selling them for the low, low price of $49.99.  When the unexpected 10 inches of snow arrives, you’ll have no trouble depleting your stock. I’d also recommend purchasing the same number of sleds or round plastic “saucers” for $15 dollars each and selling them for $89.99.  Yea…that’s a good way to retire.  Not a single store here had shovels or sleds in stock.  Just sayin.  Attention snow plow sales people! Please make an appointment with the local Mayor immediately.  That goes for salt sellers too; county and city are completely out and it’s only January 15.

3.  Find someone who will give you a hair cut without scalping you and lowering your ears by 2 inches.  My Lord.  What does “don’t cut much of the length off and leave me some hair to touch my ears” mean to some folks.  Oh well, I’ll look normal again in 3 weeks.

4.  When placing personal items in storage, remember to rescue your Bose headphones, iPhone rechargers,  or any oriental rugs that will be needed to match paint colors for the new house.  If they did get packed away do not store them in the rear of the unit but in the front for easy access.

5.  Get a a Ford Truck and your “huntin” license.

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