Thoughts About A Recent Wedding…….

» Posted by on Jun 25, 2014 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

Like most guys I know, I’ve never really been that excited about going to weddings. Especially now as I get older, most of the weddings we’re invited to are our friend’s children and often times, I’m not that close to the bride and groom. I may not have seen my friend’s children for a number of years. Kathy and I have also recently moved south away from many of our close friends. But we try and attend weddings if we are in town.

Recently we attended a wedding of friends we had met several years ago through our sons, Lee and Clint. Kathy and I have maintained a close, mentoring, relationship with the bride and groom. We’ve spent many summer nights on our screened in porch eating, laughing, talking, and yes, praying together.

I was excited and looking forward to this wedding. We felt like the “god parents” of the bride and groom.

It was a beautiful autumn day right out of the fairytale books. Tinted leaves from the many surrounding colorful trees tumbled and twisted in the fall air, landing on the ground. Geese, forming their trademark “V” configuration were heard cackling high above us headed to warmer climes. The faint smell of burning hickory wood drifted in the air. This was a small wedding and only their closest family and friends were in attendance. Everyone present had invested in the bride and groom in some way. This made the event even more meaningful and special.

I took this opportunity to sit and quietly reflect on the process that God takes us through in dating and marriage relationships.

The pastor who led the ceremony gave a very thoughtful and relevant description of marriage relationships. First, marriage offers each partner the opportunity to minister to each other in very unique ways. Just as Christ ministers to each individual, spouses can reflect Christ’s love to each other. We reflect Christ’s love in our marriage relationship when we seek to selflessly honor and focus attention on our spouse rather than ourselves. By nature, particularly prior to marriage, we tend to focus on self first then others. Marriage turns this selfish focus upside down. On a scale of 1-10, one being sacrificial love toward my spouse and 10 being self-centered focus on self, where would you rate yourself? The more we can tilt the scale to focus on our spouses’ needs, desires, likes, dislikes, the more brightly we reflect Christ’s sacrificial love shown to us.

Secondly, marriage is a crucible where God allows all the junk, the immaturity, self-centeredness to be burned away. Crucibles get hot. They allow extremely high temperatures in order to purify the gold. I think many couples I’ve talked with have unrealistic expectations about marriage in general. Marriage is not always bliss. It’s not always joyful and peaceful. By the very nature of becoming “one” there is great potential for intense, passionate, struggles and conflicts. In order to allow the impurities to be “burned” up we have to be patient and remain in the crucible. When things get hot, are we willing to work through the conflict? How do we handle conflict? These phases of conflict and tension are the opportune time to press into each other and hang in even tighter. Unfortunately, when conflict arises, we often want out of the crucible and create emotional distance from each other, before God is finished processing and purifying the gold. I’m convinced God wants to show us things about ourselves that can only be revealed in a marriage relationship.

Thirdly, marriages can demonstrate the gospel message. As Christ demonstrates His love toward each one of us, we can demonstrate Christ’s forgiveness, restoration, and love toward each other as husband and wife. Christ doesn’t “keep score.” Christ forgives, is long-suffering, is patient and kind. I have to ask myself, “Do I reflect Christ’s love toward Kathy?” Am I moving toward Kathy in constant love as Christ moves toward me? How can I freely accept Christ’s love and forgiveness for myself yet deny Kathy this same grace?

Submit a Comment